How Does It Feel To Have A Stone Cold Heart

 

You have a poker face. You’re not hard to entertain, but you would find amusement in the most unexpected things. You smile at strangers, but you’re honest with your emotions to your friends. You don’t fake laughter, and you don’t know how to hate.

You listen to people’s problems. Some revolved around the petty little things, some about relationships. You knew you can understand them, you used to experience their problems, but you cannot relate to them. You wonder why do they dwell on the smallest things like broken dinner promises, or why their significant other forgot to wish goodnight. You thought of how much time and energy they have spent on feelings that should not be there.

You don’t hurt people, but you don’t feel obliged to please them either. You feel that people emotions are their choice and responsibility, the same way your feelings are yours to decide. You read many psychology-related books and articles. You don’t feel the guilt when being honest. You understand that it is not your trigger to pull.

It’s hard to influence you. People can say anything they want about you, but you’re happy anyway because you decided to be happy. People can say all they want to make you feel guilty, but you see things clearer. Your views and opinions aren’t clouded by emotions. You pride in making wise decisions.

You don’t depend on others to find joy. You craft your own adventures to seek what you want. You don’t wait for challenges to feel gratitude. You don’t wait for good events to feel excited. You don’t wait for people to comfort you. You survive most emotional challenges because you know what you seek, and you believed in yourself and your choices.

You used to live in poetry, but now you could barely relate to any. The poems that used to break your bones and scraped your heart, does nothing to you now. You do not feel sadness through the words, nor do you feel longing, or desire. But you find emotions in things other people often miss. You find nostalgia in good weather. You find comfort in those short solitary moments in your car. You find loneliness when you see old people. You find happiness in smiles of baristas as he hand you your drink to start your morning.

You miss being in love. You forgot how does it feel to be infatuated. You only feel them through books and movies. It’s hard for you to fall in love. Sometimes you think you’ve turned asexual, but you found yourself grinning stupidly over your high school celebrity crush all over again.

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