I talked to a friend earlier today, a friend who lives across the globe but nevertheless would always lend me a listening ear and a wise mouth. You see, I sometimes have situations of anxiety myself, and she seemed to be the one I go for, for comforting words.
I am always right.
Sometimes, making big decisions can be confusing and thoughts on the outcomes can be terrifying. I have a problem with waking up in the morning with five-minutes of self-loathing, and it came from wherever I did not know, like a monster residing inside me and would only appear during hours that my brain has rested. I would regard myself as unworthy of the gifts of life that was presented to me, but I wasn’t ignoring gratitude either. It was the feeling of not deserving to receive from life itself, more than you give to life, that had became my worse enemy.
Inconfidence, self-loathing, the feeling of being unworthy, or the feeling of being less than everyone else, are the contributing factors of our generations’ worse mental state, depression. Sure, yes, I don’t agree on those who would romanticise the mental illness, because it should be taken seriously, and while many often utilize the illness for attention, some can bring more self-harm than they have ever actually realize it. I do believe, the young generation with actual depression are like shiny fruits with rotten center – their sickness are never to be portrayed. Only shame. And I know how it feels like to have a rotten center with a shiny outside, trust me.
And then she said one thing, my friend.
“All you need is self-acceptance.”
As light as it was, it is true. Everything you fight for today, begins not with passion and courage. It is always self-love that will carry you through when you have no passion or courage left. It is always self-love that teaches you to accept your weakness and forgive yourself for it, not punishing yourself for it. It is always self-love that will stop you from comparing yourself with other people, for you know that your strength might be people’s weakness, and people’s weaknesses might be your strength. It is always self-love that gives you a sense to truly live, not to people’s expectation but to your own satisfaction. It is always self-love that will teach you to love others as you love yourself, for you know how much kindness can save someone who is fighting a hard battle inside their heart.
It is always self-love, self-acceptance. And it might be everything we ever need to really live.
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